Let’s talk about something hard for you to face: It might be time to stop financially supporting your adult children.

I know just reading that sentence can make you feel angry, frustrated, and fed up. You love your kids. You’ve worked hard to give them everything they needed growing up.

But now, they’re grown. And if you’re still covering their rent, paying off their credit cards, or bailing them out every time they overspend, it’s time to ask, is this helping them, or holding them back?

When they reach adulthood, we need to help our children become more self-sufficient. They need to learn to make decisions about their finances, become responsible, and thrive on their own. The more we help them out, the less they’ll be motivated to take control.

If you’re feeling stuck between guilt and frustration, you’re not alone. In this post, we’re going to explore why it’s okay (and often necessary) to stop the financial help.

I’ll share insights on how to do it and the steps you can take to support your adult children in ways that empower them for life.

Signs It’s Time to Stop Financial Support

• If supporting your adult child risks your retirement savings, it’s time to reconsider. Your child can take out loans for their needs, but you cannot borrow for retirement.

They are not making financial progress.

• If your child is not moving toward financial independence with your help, added support may be enabling rather than helping.

They make bad financial choices.

• Repeatedly bailing a child out of bad financial decisions does not teach them responsibility. Maybe it’s time to let them face the consequences of their actions.

Your relationship is suffering.

• Financial support can do more harm than good if it causes tension or resistance in your relationship.

They are not looking for work.

• If your adult child can work but does not make a real effort to find a job, your support may discourage their initiative.

How To Stop Financially Supporting

• Have an open conversation: Sit down with your child and explain your decision. Clarify your reasons and timeline for ending support. Let them know you’re making changes because you care, and it’s time for them to become responsible and take control.

• Set a deadline: Give your child a specific date when financial support will end. This gives them time to adjust, plan, and make the necessary arrangements.

• Offer guidance, not cash: While cutting back on cash aid, offer other forms of support, such as job search or budgeting advice.

• Gradually reduce the support: Consider tapering support rather than stopping suddenly. For example, reduce the amount you give each month over time.

• Promote financial education by directing your child to financial literacy resources. Knowledge is power when it comes to managing money.

• Be prepared for rejection: Your child may not react positively at first. Stay firm in your decision while staying emotionally supportive. Remind yourself this is about long-term growth.

• Set clear boundaries: Be specific about what expenses you will and will not cover in the future. Consistently stick to these boundaries.

I want to share a story with you. A few years ago, my friend Lisa was still paying her 27-year-old son’s car insurance, phone bill, and occasionally giving him grocery money. He had a college degree and a job (sometimes), and he had a knack for spending more than he earned.

Every time he hit a rough patch, Lisa felt sorry for him. Was she being a good mom by helping, or was she enabling him to stay stuck?

One day, she looked at her own bank account and realized she hadn’t contributed to her retirement in over a year. She was exhausted, emotionally and financially. That’s when she made the decision, “I love you, but I can’t keep doing this.”

She sat him down, explained her boundaries, and gave him three months to take over his own bills. It wasn’t easy. There were arguments and guilt trips. But eventually, he stepped up. She stuck to her boundaries, and he got a full-time job, started to budget his own money, knowing he couldn’t depend on his mother any longer.

Lisa didn’t stop loving her son; she just stopped rescuing him. And that made all the difference.

We, as parents, need to teach our children to become independent and set them up for long-term success by teaching them the potential to thrive financially on their own. The process can be challenging, but the reward of seeing your child stand on their own two feet and take control of their financial matters is peace of mind knowing you’ve set them up for a financially stable future while securing your own.

The greatest gift you can give your grown children isn’t money; it’s the skills and confidence to manage their finances successfully.

Financial Strategies to Help Grown Children Become Self-Sufficient?

• Gradually reduce financial aid: Set a timeline for reducing financial aid so your children can take on more financial responsibility over time. This helps them adjust and learn to manage their spending.

• Promote financial education by directing your children to financial literacy resources. Knowledge is essential for effective money management.

• Help create a budget: Work with your grown children to create a realistic budget that covers their expenses and includes savings goals.

• Teach them smart financial practices: Encourage them to follow sound financial practices, such as setting financial goals, building an emergency fund, and regularly calculating their net worth.

• Encourage saving and investing by introducing regular savings and investment concepts. You can help them set up automatic savings plans or investment accounts.

• Offer non-financial support: When reducing cash aid, provide alternative support, including job search help, budgeting advice, and sharing your past experiences at their age.

• Set clear boundaries: Be specific about what expenses you will and will not cover in the future. Stick to these boundaries consistently.

• Encourage capital building by suggesting courses or skills development to increase employability and earning potential.

• Teach tax strategies: Help them understand tax-saving strategy, such as contributing to retirement accounts or claiming eligible tax credits.

• Encourage independence: Encourage them to make financial decisions, even if they make mistakes. This hands-on experience is valuable for learning how to manage money.

The goal is to promote financial independence while offering support and advice. It’s important to have open conversations about finances and set clear expectations as you help your grown children transition to complete financial self-sufficiency.

Tips For Parents

• Don’t compare: Every child’s journey is different. Focus on progress, not perfection.
• Check on your own finances: Revisit your retirement plans, savings goals, and adjust accordingly.

Check out this article:https://masteringpersonalfinances.com/creating-a-budget/